Weeks 1-12

I realize that I have not done the greatest job of consistently posting updates. I also realize that I haven't truly shared all that God has been doing in my life these last 12 weeks. Granted, it's rather difficult to fully explain what I have been going through, but perhaps this list--very condensed--will give a better picture of my discipleship training school experience. From week 1, I kept a piece of paper in my Bible and made notes--just brief phrases--of what God was teaching me. The topic of the week's lectures may or may not correspond with everything God was teaching me that week. It's personal, yes, but all the more real. I don't mind sharing.

Themes from my DTS: Weeks 1-12

Week 1: Orientation and Intro to Trafficking

-Freedom in Christ: leaving my comfort zone behind to run with God

-God brought me to the desert to romance me, as in Hosea

-Brokenness, forgiveness, and healing

-Determining to seek God with my whole heart

Week 2: Hearing God's Voice

-Hearing and then obeying God's voice

-Faith vs doubt struggle

-God breaking me and cleaning out my heart

Week 3: Father Heart of God

-Giving up my pride and own dreams and ideas for my future

-God is not content without us:  we have ravished His heart!

-Frustration in trying to hear more from God

-Realization of my dependence on other's approval

Week 4: Forgiveness and Repentance

-Forgiving people in my life and making amends

-God showing Himself as my Deliver

-I am set apart, a special treasure with a holy calling from God

Week 5: Identity

-Resurrection of dreams and birth of new ideas for my future!

Week 6: Holy Spirit

-Bolding speaking truth: making the comfortable uncomfortable

-Desiring the gifts of wisdom and discernment

Week 7: Intimacy to Advocacy

-Desiring more joy in my life

-Refusal to be fearful regarding my future

-Love for the johns

Week 8: Bible Study

-God's greatness and unsearchable knowledge: He is a God of wonders!

-Learning to just be still with God, listening and learning rather than planning and doing: Being a Mary, not a Martha!

Week 9: Missions

-Refusing to plan and remaining open to whatever God wants to impress upon me

-Taking every thought captive!

Week 10: Sex and Relationships

-Reflections on the past year and the redemption and love received from God in fully returning to Him

-Identifying sources of struggles and insecurities

-Praying and living in greater faith and confidence

Week 11: Discipleship

-Desire to disciple others and share all that I've been learning

-Spirit of thankfulness

-Pure heart

-My identity is not as a sinner but as a pure and beloved daughter of God

Weeks 12:  Evangelism

-Desiring more of God, constantly craving more of Him

-Embracing who I am in my new identity

-Love for God=obedience to God's commands 

So, tomorrow starts the last "normal" week of lectures here: our lecture phase is almost over. On Saturday, we will be leaving for a week-long road trip to various cities in California to promote the Las Vegas YWAM base and to educate churches and universities on human trafficking in the US and in Vegas.  When we come back from CA, we have one more week here in Vegas to wrap up and get ready to leave for outreach. If you do the math correctly, that means we leave for Mumbai, India, three weeks from tomorrow!!!  

She's Somebody's Baby

I have never been called “mommy” by little girls until tonight.

This evening we did door-to-door outreach in groups of four just two blocks from our base, talking with people, asking if they had a church, offering to pray with them, etc.  We spoke with a woman, Daphne, at the very first house we approached and learned that her oldest daughter had run away. She had not heard from her daughter Shaquita since Monday.  Shaquita is only 14 years old, the average age for girls entering prostitution.  It sounds like the classic trafficking scenario.  My heart broke for both Daphne and her daughter. Her mother wanted her back. She was missed.  Shaquita—whether she is by herself or under the control of a boyfriend/pimp-- is somebody’s baby.

A few doors down, we came upon a group of about 10 girls, about 8-10 years old, playing in the driveway, climbing a wall, dancing, and just being crazy like little girls ought to be.  Hope and I began conversation with them and they were eager to make friends with us. They wanted us to watch them rap, dance, do splits, and play with them.  They just wanted attention and love. Hope and I were mobbed by a dozen little bodies all vying for our attention. After knowing them about 60 seconds, they were clinging to us. I don’t mean that they gave us a hug, or were holding our hands. I think they attached themselves with super/non-removable glue.  

“Will you hug me? Will you pick me up?” Will you pick me up and swing me?”

Ok, sure. I can do that. No problem. I love kids and though perhaps it’s not the most appropriate to be picking up an eight year old you just met, I did it anyways, because I could tell they desperately needed love and affection.  As I spun one precious curly-haired girl around and around until she was squealing and I sufficiently dizzy, I said “You are a beautiful girl!”

Her face glowed from that one compliment. Oh, God, please guard her and all the girls in this neighborhood from false love, from older boys and men that may come around to prey on these girls and in just a couple years lure them with false affection resulting in abuse and/or prostituting them. Not to sounds cynical, but that scenario is incredibly likely based on their situation and the statistics.

Then came the hardest request.

“Will you be my mommy? Can you be my sister? Please don’t leave me! I don’t want you to go.”

Oh. My. Word.  I wanted to cry.  They didn’t even wait for us to answer, but clung to us more, tugging on us to play and watch them, calling me their mommy.  More than anything else they could have told me, calling me their mommy revealed how desperate they were for a strong maternal figure. They did have mothers:  Daphne whom we met earlier was the mother of two of the girls, and the rest of the girls pointed out their nearby homes so that we could come back to visit them. 

Leaving them was so difficult. We had to pry them off of us, and tell them that we would come back.  As we left, we asked if they knew who Jesus was.

“You mean Jesus Christ? Oh yeah! He’s my father!”

I told that girl to always remember that no matter what, Jesus is her daddy and always will be. I am so thankful that they at least had some head-knowledge of God, considering that most of them did not have father-figures.  We learned that some of them had been to the church we attend, so leaving was slightly easier knowing that we might see them there. 

Turning around and walking down the sidewalk, hearing little voices pleading, “Please don’t leave! Don’t go! Mommy, come back!” may be one of the most gut-wrenching experiences.  I didn’t want to leave them so soon, but we had a time limit and I told them I would be back. I will indeed be back to visit them. I want to speak truth into them, to give them attention they desperately need, and to just love them. I know that they are in God’s hands and that we should not feel unduly burdened by them.  If I develop a case of the “Messiah Complex,” attempting to take on responsibility that is not mine to hold, I will burn out and I will fail.

These girls were so full of joy and innocence: I want them to stay that way, just as they are. I couldn't help but think of Shaquita, and wonder how many of these girls would find themselves in her situation.   Each of these precious girls is somebody's baby, no matter what path their life takes: homelessness, drugs, prostitution, or perhaps college and marriage. They will always be God's baby girls. 

“She’s somebody’s baby, she’s somebody’s baby girl and she’s somebody’s baby still.”

Faith is spelled r-i-s-k

To recap a little from the week before last...

Very appropriate for a DTS, we focused on missions for a week! My goal was to remain open and impressionable to whatever God wanted to teach me, and teach me He did.

The Great Commission is all about relationships and connecting to people! Missions is not merely a task; if it were, we would be de-valuing people and their worth as individuals with eternity in their hearts.  "The saving of a soul is the making of a person into the fullness of what they're meant to be."  We are not sanctified and set free by hanging out with religious people, but rather we must view the people we are called to minister to as the ones who will bring us closer to God.  We have to remain humble and learn from whomever we are with.

Where are the “hot spots" for missions today? Where should missionaries be going? Cities are the neediest locations today: we need to break the image of a missionary whacking a machete in a jungle. A huge percentage of the world's population lives in the over-populated urban jungle.

Preparation is crucial: burnout is usually accredited to failing to establish boundaries and inadequate preparation for the inevitable sacrifice and cultural immersion.  Identity crises may emerge and can often lead to Christians refusing to break away from their comfortable and protected work within a building, a safe distance from the intimidating culture passing by on the sidewalk. So many missionaries and those in Christian organizations look like clones: they live in the Christian sub-culture and refuse to fully immerse themselves in the people, language and traditions of the city. To break stereotypes we need a spirit of adventure and we have to be ourselves. 

We shouldn't compartmentalize our lives into "normal life" and "ministry." The sacred-secular division needs erased and the two should be blended into one. Every part of our life--whether babysitting or sharing coffee with a new friend-- ought to reflect our mission to love God and love others. The message that we bring is a gospel that affects every area of our life and is full of power!

We ended with a brief run-down of how to start a non-profit, particularly an anti-trafficking organization.  I wish we could have spent more time on that, but I know that more learning opportunities abound.

Intimacy to Advocacy

It's been a crazy last couple of weeks.  Morgan Perry from the Sex and Money film spoke to us two weeks ago not just on human trafficking in the US, but also on the necessity of intimacy with Christ before pouring ourselves out in ministry. Intimacy before advocacy. If we don't adhere to this order, we will become burned out and useless. Morgan's team's next film is going to focus on the breakdown of the family and its relation to sex trafficking: strong families equal strong kids. Strong kids equal high self-esteem, and pimps can't lure a child--and yes, I do mean child--into a relationship that will ultimately result in forced prostitution. I cannot wait to see the team's next film. It's going to fabulous and contain a much-needed message to families that don't realize the relation between broken/abusive homes and the girls on the streets.

Research and restoration homes should be the priorities of the "movement," so to speak. Social justice issues are actually popular and even hip, so with the incredible amount of awareness that is occurring, more action needs to be seen. I am particularly interested in restoration homes for girls who have been sexually exploited: minors who are caught in prostitution need a safe and therapeutic home-like environment. There are less than 100 beds available in US restoration homes for trafficked minors, and there are anywhere between 100,000-300,000 children who have been trafficked each year. I think it's undeniable that more restoration homes are needed, and needed immediately. Churches especially need to be more involved in initiating and supporting homes like these. We have heard the statistics, read the stories, know recruiting methods, etc etc etc. Eventually, you just want to actually DO something. When you hear it in class, see it in a video, read it in a book, and hear it from community leaders, you feel compelled to action. I know I'm going to remain working in the anti-trafficking field...I would love to work with getting girls into restoration homes as an alternative to jail time and also work in after-care restoration. Social work and non-profit jobs, here I come,  and goodbye to a nice paycheck. Whoop-de-doo. 

Everyone from the school went hiking at Red Rock Canyon last weekend: here's a couple of pictures from the hike.

Set apart

  
<sup>We are set apart. Is that not amazing? 


For you are a holy people to the Lord your God; the Lord your God has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples on the face of the earth.
Deut. 7:6
  
We are set apart and commissioned to speak the truth, to proclaim the whole truth in its entirety with boldness.</sup>

The word of the Lord came to me, saying,
 “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
   before you were born I set you apart;
   I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
  “Alas, Sovereign Lord,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am too young.” 

But the Lord said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am too young.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you.  Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the Lord. 

Then the Lord reached out his hand and touched my mouth and said to me, “I have put my words in your mouth. See, today I appoint you over nations and kingdoms to uproot and tear down, to destroy and overthrow, to build and to plant.” 
 Jeremiah 1:4-10

We have a holy calling as God's people, regardless of age or skills. If He calls, you had better obey and follow. 

Coming to Him as a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious....But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light.
1 Peter 2:4, 9

Therefore do not be ashamed of the testimony of our Lord, nor of me His prisoner, but share with me in the sufferings for the gospel according to the power of God, who has saved us and called us with a holy calling, not according to our works, but according to His own purpose and grace which was given to us in Christ Jesus before time began....For this reason I also suffer these things; nevertheless I am not ashamed, for I know whom I have believed and am persuaded that He is able to keep what I have committed to Him until that Day.
 2 Timothy 1:8-9, 12 


I know whom I have believed.

Love...for the johns

 God, WHY?

I've been asking this quite frequently these last two days. I'm so frustrated. Never before have I felt so completely helpless.

Last night, while sitting outside in the courtyard, I witnessed a prostitute proposition a customer and get into his car, driving off to who-knows-where.  (I don't like calling these girls and women prostitutes: I think it's a degrading label.) I frequently see and talk to the women walking our street, but never had I witnessed a girl getting picked up by a john (a man soliciting sex from a prostitute.) I felt so angry. It was evident she was not happy with what she was doing. I was so disturbed. I know that prostitution is one of the biggest problems in our neighborhood. Heck, we live in the most dangerous neighborhood of Las Vegas. We regularly see and try to talk to the girls walking the street as they pass by our base. It hurts my heart, but the pain was magnified when I saw a woman that we just talked to get into that car.  How, God, how am I supposed to feel any type of love or remote kindness for the man that is taking advantage of this woman, decreasing her self-worth? I want to tell this man that he is destroying her. She has mentally separated herself and is nothing but a shell when "working:" a hollow shell devoid of emotion. That is the only way she can survive.

I wish that was the first and last time I saw the street sex business in operation, but no. Tonight, as a friend and I were running, we paused to let a car drive into the bank parking lot. As he pulled in and drove to the back of the parking lot, it was evident that the driver just picked up a girl off the street. I felt sick. We began simultaneously praying and running.

God, how am I expected to love these men?

I want justice.

However, I remember the story of the boy that confessed to his family of raping his 3 year old sister. When crying to his father that he had a problem and needed help--the right type of response--his father stripped him naked and shot him twice in the back of the head. As horrifying as this story is, it parallels our thinking of hate and revenge towards those who have committed awful crimes. Do we really want justice? If God truly did deal out justice, then ALL of us are royally screwed. If we received the justice we deserve from God, we'd be goners. Our role is to give God the justice He deserves and He gives us undeserved mercy.  Because we receive mercy from God, so must we show mercy to others.

Two weeks ago, we listed to a sermon by Paris Reidhead, a rather unknown pastor from the 1960s. His message, Ten Shekels and A Shirt, contains mentality-shifting messages on our humanistic worldview and the theme of justice towards God. We are at fault for trying to get something from God rather than give to Him the justice He deserves. The message ends with the Moravian prayer: May the Lamb who was slain receive the reward of His suffering.
I encourage you to listen to this dynamic message packaged in an old recording: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=76BUB9IchNU

 Despite our two outreaches each week to the restoration home, womens' shelter, and outreaches on the street, I still wish I could do more. I know that my program is focused on education, but I become impatient and want to do something more. I don't like feeling helpless.

I need to be still and know that He is God. Nothing goes unnoticed by Him and His heart is grieving far more than mine. There is a time for learning, and a time for pouring out. I can't fix all the problems. I can't immediately change our faulty laws that criminalize a prostitute despite her complete control and abuse under a pimp. I can't mend the broken families in this neighborhood that create the runaway and broken girls. I can't end the production of porn that fuels sexual exploitation. If I didn't give these feelings of heaviness and sorrow to God, I would become so burdened. I have to continually remind myself of His great love and through that, love these girls, love the johns, and love the pimps.

I may become momentarily mad, but I can't remain in that state. God's love is too big.

Jalepenos and heart surgery

It's about time for another update....

Last week was full of surprises: my YWAM friends celebrated my 22nd  birthday complete with cake, presents, balloons, and blessings. Speaking of celebrating a birth, our DTS leaders announced that they are expecting their first baby! We love birthdays and babies.

Local outreach is challenging. Each week, a group of us go to a womens' home for dinner and fellowship to minister to women who have come off the streets, out of strip clubs, and struggled with drugs and alcohol. It's heartbreaking to return and discover that women we were bonding with have left the program early and are probably returning to their former life. Last Friday night's outreach on the streets resulted in much "seed planting:" we had great conversations and made contacts. However, the spiritual atmosphere was incredibly dark and heavy: I know it may sound odd, but we could most definitely feel the spirits of evil.

A DTS is not easy. Each week, I feel like I'm going through heart surgery. I think this fifth week was the first week I haven't cried. We've completed one-third of the lecture phase, and I think we're finally getting rid of the junk we've been carrying around and now can focus on re-filling our hearts with truth.  We've changed so much, though it certainly hasn't always been comfortable change. It's like a painful workout: it hurts so much it feels good.

Now that the weather is beginning to cool down (only 95 degrees at 8pm instead of 105 degrees!) I am trying to run again.  I have missed running, so I am tickled to death that I can run outside without inhaling hot smog.  This working-out indoors is not my cup of tea; I prefer to be outside versus jumping up and down in front of a computer screen.

Besides working out, hair-dyeing, tea parties and dance parties, we found a new way to have fun: jalepeno eating and jalepeno juice-drinking contests. Needless to say, we only had one contest, due to severe after-effects. Himmat stuffed jalepenos inside his piece of cake, then proceeded to drench the cake in the pepper juice. Repeat again. After those two pieces of scorching cake, he and Sadie then drank the jalepeno juice. Bad idea. The rest of us were cheering them on before making an "I'm sorry we made you sick" card.

A few details about our outreach in Asia.... We will be in Mumbai, India for 12 days and will be working in Kathmandu, Nepal, 38 days.  For our trip, I need to purchase a trekking backpack, winter jacket and hiking boots. I have priced these online, and each are going to cost roughly $100. If you feel led, you can "sponsor" any of these three items for my trip by sending a check and mentioning the item in the memo line. Below is my wishlist and address.
I feel like a kid making her Christmas gift list.
 
Outreach wishlist:
Hiking boots
Winter jacket
Trekking backpack

My address:
Katie Hudson
C/O YWAM

P.O. Box 36606
Las Vegas, NV
89133